description 1)Kindergartners
This is a funny looking creature. It is not a real creature. This picture is of an alligator and a bird put together. We should call it an allibird. It has the head of an alligator and the body of a bird. It has a big mouth with lots of teeth. It also has wings and can fly. Its feathers are brown. The allibird does not make a "ca" sound or a "tweet" sound like other birds. It makes a loud ringing sound.
desciption 2) Harry Potter Fanatics
Draco Malfoy called Hermione a mud blood again, so Ron whipped out his wand and pointed it at him. Ron meant to turn Draco into a bird, so that he would just fly away, but somehow something went wrong with his spell. Draco turned into a weird creature. It was half bird, half alligator. At least he couldn't tease Hermione anymore, but Ron was worried that Draco would bite him with his big alligator teeth. Draco's new body had brown feathers and he had a scary green eye that glared at Ron. Draco could not speak, but Ron knew that Draco would get him back for this. Draco flew away, flapping his small wings and was eventually turned back into his normal self.
2 comments:
I think you did a good job writing about this picture to two very different audiences. For the Kindergartners you used language and descriptions that they would understand. For example, "Its feathers are brown" and "It has a big mouth with lots of teeth." Both of these sentences are short and sweet, and they are simple enough for a little kid to understand. And I thought it was creative in the second description to write a short story to go along with the picture that any Harry Potter fan would understand it. A negative critique about your writing would be that I didn't really enjoy the endings to either description, so you could work on those to make the descriptions end more smoothly, instead of just randomly ending it.
FYI --
That's actually a croco-duck...a made up creature that Kirk Cameron (an evangelical) presented as "evidence" that evolution is wrong.
I like your descriptions better.
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